“it can’t be true”
“it’s all lies”
“I trust him/her 100% with my children”
“I’ve known them my whole life and they never abused me”
“They’ve been trapped, they don’t find children attractive, it’s rubbish”
“They thought he/she was older”
All statements made by friends, family and loved ones of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders.
When a family member or friend is arrested or convicted of a sexual offence, sexual assault or offences against children or vulnerable people. The first initial reaction of those loved ones could be denial. This is understandable, as how can someone that you love, care for and trusted do such a thing?
Upset and anger are going to be emotions that will initially be at the forefront of any allegation for friends of the defendant and possible hatred for the victim or victims or ANY CSE intervention or paedophile hunter groups.
* How do you give advice to a friend or family member when they are arrested and charged for sex offences?
* Do I show my support for them, even though I am appalled by their actions and offences they have committed?
* Do I show them that I still care for them and support them at their trial if they decide to plead not guilty?!
All questions that may be going through your head. In honesty these are the ways in which you can help that family member or friend through the process.
* Honesty and being 100% truthful with you is a must. How can they expect to have any kind of help if they cannot be honest with those they profess to love and hold dear?!
* Tell them that you in no way support or condone what they have done but if they are honest and are prepared to face the consequences for their actions then you would have more respect for them.
* Tell them that you care for them yes but you may need to take a step back from your relationship or friendship with them to have thinking space and what is best for you and your family is of paramount importance, especially if you have young children that they have regular contact with.
* Sex offenders and paedophiles are manipulators and are most of the time that preverbial “wolf in sheep’s clothing” They are possibly kind, generous, loving, caring, sweet and liked by alot of people. This is why makes it so hard to understand and comprehend that a monster lies within someone you thought you knew so well.
* Is this arrest and charge against them based on chat logs, photos and conversations of a sexual content after an arrest for online grooming and arranging to meet a child under the age of 16 for sex?
* Are the charges involving the download, possession or distribution of indecent images of children and or animals?
* What evidence do the police have?
Many defendants will plead not guilty and opt to go to trial and think they can manipulate a jury by saying they were:
* “a victim themselves when they were younger”
*” I knew I was being set up”
* “I wanted to meet with the child to try and stop them from getting into danger”
* “I was curious, I had no intention of having sex with them”
* “It’s intrapment, it wasn’t a real child, so it doesn’t matter”
We hear this and other excuses and statements time and time again. What a defendant sometimes forgets or is ignorant to is the fact that all of this evidence will be shown in court.
Their family and friends will be there, the witnesses, arresting police officers or officer dealing with the case will be giving evidence.
Sometimes it’s not until it gets this far that a big bright light flashes in the heads of family and friends and they realise that they too have been manipulated and in some ways groomed by what is usually a narsaccist and sociopath that is good at playing the victim and not taking responsibility for their actions. They are not usually sorry for the crime they have committed but sorry for getting caught and being found out.
So, in a nut shell, honesty is of paramount importance, they don’t think of your feelings, they only care about themselves.
If a sex offender pleads guilty and asks for help and rehabilitation rather than trying to manipulate the system and those around them then the courts should see that they get the help they need.
Punishment for serious sexual offences should of course carry an immediate custodial sentence. Many defendants are given suspended sentences and are placed on the sex offenders register for a certain amount of time. What we need is more funding for keeping tabs on sex offenders that are released back into the community, ensuring that they are getting the help they need, councilling and rehabilitation, every week and the police and authorities knowing where these offenders are so they can be monitored. If they do not adhere to the terms and conditions of a SOPO (Sexual offences prevention order) Or SHPO (Sexual harm prevention order) including sticking religiously to counselling and rehabilitation then they should be put back in front of the court to serve their sentence.
Many will say that sex offenders and paedophiles can’t be rehabilitated. The truth is, is that there are so many categories of sex offender that any kind of attempt at rehab is better than nothing, but of course for all of these services there has to be funding from the government.
Some people think that the possessing or distributing indecent images of children is a victim free crime as the defendant has just viewed them and not actually done anything else. Stop and think…. The children in those images were all victims, they were at that moment in time in pain, were scared, were possibly being threatened not to tell anyone about what was happening to them and are living a life time of trauma and may never have spoken out about their ordeals.
STOP and THINK about the affect any of this that we have spoken about has or could have on you and your family. How your children will be affected. Possible involvement and monitoring from social services. This may also involve their friends from school and their families, and their school life. The possibllity of you and your family being isolated or targeted because of your association and what could be seen as support for a sex offender or paedophile. So bringing yourself into the reality of the situation to safeguard you and your loved ones is so important. No one wants innocent family and friends of defendants to be tarred with the same brush or treated as defendants themselves, but only YOU can prevent this from happening by taking control of the situation and being the voice of reason.
Keep you and your family safe and together we can stop and prevent Child sexual exploitation